2010
1. January 31st- Find an old friend of 15 years' dead body and give it cpr for 10 minutes until the paramedics show up
2. Few days later- on the way back from his funeral find out my dad isnt my biological father
3. Few weeks later- our cat of 6 years goes missing.
4. Few months later-I develop chronic staph infections due to systemic MRSA and our neighbor delivers our dead cats body. rat poison.
5. Few months later - our other cat goes missing. she's eventually found under our house dead. rat poison.
6. Mid Summer - chronic car problems
7. Late summer - move out to the country. house turns into a money pit as the reflooring upstairs turns to shit due to some crazy chemical reaction.
8. November 23- Get laid off from work.
9. Mid december- lose my unemployment benefits due to the following: upon layoff we were offered a schedule where we would make less than collecting unemployment. They said we could either take the shitty schedule or get laid off and collect unemployment. They reported the alternate schedule offer to unemployment and benefits were lost. They also did this to a 55 yr old co worker with severe health issues.
10. Over the course of the next few days: my wife becomes increasingly distant. i begin to worry
11. One day later: she comes home from work, i ask if things are alright between us, she proceeds to tell me i'm not attractive enough and she resents me. I ask her if she loves me in a way where we can get through this, she responds, "not enough."
12. That night- i keep it together.
13. Next day and week- i fly to vegas to stay with a good friends parents. vague and frustrating text messaging is exchanged between my wife and i. A girl calls me a fucking queer because i dont hit on her at a bar.
14. december 30th - i meet with my wife. she wants a break. becomes quite evident she isnt in love with me. the weight of losing a ten year relationship is something i quickly rationalize to the following - "i love her more than she loves me and shes come to resent me for it." i find this comforting and distressing.
15. New Years Eve - puke blood at a party, proceed to lose my fucking mind.
2011
1. 1/1/11 - wake up not knowing where i am, panic ensues, begin repeating "i need to go home" over and over again. the realization shortly thereafter that my home is no longer that is crushing.
2. first week of january - move to a friends basement. i find myself doing pushups and drinking whiskey to keep the black hole at bay.
3. Jan 6th - some close friends have a dinner party for me. one of them was previously at the bar and brings over two randomns with him. One of them tries to fight me and drops this gem, "oh, pretty boy faggot's runnin his mouth on 16 ouncers." I finger the knife in my pocket because im in a "dark place." His friend drags him away when the pushing begins. they go outside and proceed to fight in the snow. we lock the front door.
4. Jan 8th- my computer crashes. i simply laugh by myself in my basement room then drink whiskey and alternate back and forth between push ups and sit ups.
5. Jan 11th - wake up with my knee the size of a tennis ball. doctor tells me i potentially have a joint infection and may require hospitalization if conditions dont improve within 24 hrs.
6. 5 minutes later - i sit in my brothers car with him laughing because the more adequate response i save for my basement room. so i can wrestle it with whiskey and "working out."
7. Few hours later - write this self indulgent summation. remember that "way worse shit happens to way better people." this time it makes me sad rather than comforted.
